Grief touches most of our lives at some point following the loss of someone or something important to us, like the death of a family member or beloved pet, the end of a meaningful relationship, the loss of a job, or going through a major life change. The profound, immeasurable sense of loss can affect us in more ways than we might anticipate, posing challenges that can interrupt our day-to-day functioning and well-being.
In fact, 94.5% of grieving family members surveyed for a 2024 study admitted suffering from at least one adverse symptom of poor physical or mental health following a major loss.
Oftentimes, it may feel like the sense of loss will never go away. It’s not always clear what to do next, where to go, or who to talk to, especially when the pain doesn’t ease with the passage of time. Keep reading to consider how professional grief and loss counseling can give you new tools and perspectives invaluable to the grieving process.
What Is Grief?
Grief is a deeply personal emotional process with a range of thoughts, feelings and behaviors that help us make sense of loss.
A natural part of the human condition, the deep, sometimes all-consuming sorrow and anguish that you might feel after the death of a person or the departure of a former spouse or significant other is more than just an emotional reaction but an expression of the attachment, meaning and connection you’ve formed, valued and lost. This type of normal grief happens in 50% to 85% of people following a loss.
We might find ourselves grieving for other types of losses more abstract — you might grieve the loss of opportunities, dreams or goals you never achieved; missing out on the chance to have children; or the loss of one’s youth as we grow older. Sometimes, you might mourn a change in life circumstances or the absence of someone or something important in your life more deeply than you’d anticipated.
What Are the Signs and Symptoms of Grief?
Even though grief doesn’t follow the same template for everyone, there are common patterns and signs that we can recognize in ourselves and others.
Physical Symptoms of Grief
Grief is not just an emotional response and can take a toll on your body. It can carry the weight and tension of grief as a way of processing intense emotions and stress:
- Fatigue and exhaustion that sleep doesn’t seem to resolve
- Sleep disturbances (either sleeping too much or too little/struggling with insomnia)
- Changes in appetite, such as loss of hunger or emotional overeating
- Chest pain or heart palpitations
- A weakened immune system that can lead to frequent illness
- Headaches and pain in muscles, joints and throughout the body
- Sensitivity to the sun or other stimuli
“It was extremely difficult to do anything. If there’s one thing I want people to know about grief, it’s how awful it can make your body feel,” notes Amy Davis in a WebMD report, reflecting on her physical grief symptoms following the loss of a family member to cancer.
Mental Symptoms of Grief
Think of a time when you’ve lost someone close to you, and your thoughts become filled with recalling memories of that person — one way of trying to reconcile the loss. Grief can also become disruptive and disrupt our mental clarity throughout the day. You might experience:
- Trouble concentrating or being decisive
- Memory lapses and forgetfulness
- Intrusive, all-consuming thoughts
- Confusion or disorientation
- Feeling like you’re in a fog or having a sense of hopelessness
Emotional Symptoms of Grief
“Grief causes people to experience the entire spectrum of emotions — from sadness to anger to joy,” says the Cleveland Clinic. “You may sometimes feel detached from your emotions and operate as if you were on autopilot.”
Though the physical symptoms of grief may be the most palpable and the mental signs the most tangible, the emotional landscape of grief may feel the most unpredictable. Like a roller coaster, you may feel a mix of negative and positive emotions as part of the grieving process that can catch you off guard, says the clinic. For instance:
- Mourning someone’s absence while feeling relief that they’re no longer suffering
- Missing a former partner but feeling hopeful about meeting someone new
- Feeling guilty for no longer being needed as a caregiver
- Experiencing sadness, frustration, or indifference after the death of someone you had a rocky relationship with
- Periodic numbness or disconnection from your emotions
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What Is Complicated Grief?
In most cases, feelings and symptoms of grief will subside and diminish as time goes on. Most grief softens over time, even if it never fully disappears. But complicated grief — also known as prolonged grief disorder — is a persistent, long-lasting grief that continues more than one year after a loss.
“Complicated grief is like being in an ongoing, heightened state of mourning that keeps you from healing,” says the Mayo Clinic.
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), approximately 7% to 10% of bereaved adults will suffer from complicated grief, and it’s drawn clinical parallels to adjustment disorder. See if you’re feeling some of these symptoms:
- A sense of disrupted identity — like a part of you has died when mourning someone’s death
- Intense longing or pining for the deceased that doesn’t diminish with time
- Intrusive thoughts or images of the loved one
- Denial of the death or sense of disbelief
- Avoiding reminders of the loss
- Intense loneliness, bitterness or anger
- Difficulty trusting others
- Persistent feelings of emptiness, detachment or that life has no meaning
- Trouble reintegrating with others or readopting interests and activities
This may result in outcomes that mirror signs of depression, like having trouble completing daily tasks and routines; withdrawing from loved ones and activities you once enjoyed; confusion about whether what you’re feeling is “normal,” manifesting as a form of self-blame; and a staunch belief that you could have done something to prevent a breakup or a death.
“Grief may also take the form of regret for something lost, remorse for something done, or sorrow for a mishap to oneself,” says the APA.
How Long Does Grief Last?
Society pressures us to move on quickly after a loss, but the truth is that everyone grieves in their own way — and their own pace — and grief is not bound by a specific timeline or schedule. The amount of time it takes to work through your grief depends on the nature of your loss and your relationship with what was lost, plus your own coping methods.
With grief, you might begin feeling better before something triggers a memory that brings on sadness again. You might function well for months and then be blindsided by a memory, a song, an anniversary. Even new, happy experiences may trigger past grief. “A woman who lost her mother as a young person is going to experience that grief on her wedding day because it’s a new moment where she’s having a response to loss,” notes an NPR study.
“‘Grieving’ means that our relationship to that grief changes over time,” says NPR. “So, the first time, maybe even the first 100 times, you’re knocked off your feet with grief, it feels terrible and awful and unfamiliar. But maybe the 101st time, you think to yourself, ‘I hate this, I don’t want this to be true. But I do recognize it, and I do know that I will get through the wave.’”
A 2-year grief study indicated that the most negative effects of the grief experience — from disbelief to yearning, anger to depression and eventually acceptance — peak around the 6-month mark. But your experience of grief is valid, and the time it takes to find solace will be unique to you.
Stages of Grief
Through her work with terminally ill people, Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross observed five common stages of grief that she detailed in her 1969 book “On Death and Dying”:
- Denial: In the immediate aftermath of a loss, you might find it difficult to accept that it has occurred — even firmly refusing it to be true. Denial serves as a protective mechanism that allows you to gradually come to terms with the reality of the situation.
- Anger: As the reality of the loss sets in, you might feel anger — whether directed at yourself, outwardly toward others or even the situation. You might blame an ex-partner for the end of a relationship, or a doctor or even God for failing to save a loved one’s life.
- Bargaining: During this stage, you may find yourself negotiating, wondering if different choices might have changed the outcome. “We try to make agreements with ourselves, or a deal with a higher power, in exchange for feeling less sad or having a different outcome,” notes the Harvard study. “Bargaining is often irrational.”
- Depression: Once bargaining proves fruitless, feelings of deep sadness, hopelessness and despair can set in and dominate your thoughts during this phase. Often the longest and most challenging stage of grief, it’s here that symptoms of complicated grief may begin to appear.
- Acceptance: Over time, you may begin to find a way to integrate the loss into your life, reaching a state of acceptance where the pain diminishes, and you can start rebuilding your life. “When we have reached this stage of acceptance, we no longer deny or struggle against our grief,” notes the Harvard study.
Kübler-Ross later clarified that the stages of grief are not linear — some stages might occur at the same time, be passed over or not happen at all.
Footprints to Recovery Mental Health provides outpatient treatment programs in New Jersey.
What Are the Advantages of Professional Grief Counseling?
Many times, you’re able to work through the myriad feelings and phases of grief. But when your grief fails to subside or improve over time, or begins to dominate and consume your daily life, grief and loss counseling with a grief therapist can give you the space, coping mechanisms, and tools to process your loss and grieve in a healthy fashion.
Grief counseling near me may typically take place in an outpatient environment, where you can attend psychotherapy and depression treatment sessions with your grief counselor to address feelings associated with the stages of grief, like anger or guilt, and to facilitate your personal growth and strength in facing loss — now and for the future.
In addition to individual counseling, there may also be an opportunity to attend grief groups in treatment, helping you to connect with other people experiencing similar journeys and losses. Organized like a 12-Step group, each person takes a turn talking about what they’ve been grieving and the struggles they’ve been facing. Hearing others’ stories and sharing your own can offer consolation, insight, and support.
Self-Help Tips for Dealing with Grief
There is no replacing the benefits of grief and loss counseling, but there are several healthy ways to cope with your grief on your own:
Avoid Suppressing Your Emotions
Burying or bottling up your feelings may feel like a way to avoid pain or burdening others, but it can lead to resentment or showing your emotions in unhealthy ways. Let yourself feel and express your grief. Give yourself space to feel — allow yourself the room in your heart and mind the space needed to process your loss. Allow yourself permission to cry when your emotions begin to well up. Start writing in a journal about how you’re feeling, and your memories of your loved one can help you move through the pain and keep their memory and spirit close to you. You might channel your emotions into creating art, music, or other creative expressions of your grief that your loved one would have loved. Or celebrate their life by donating to their favorite charity or framing your favorite photos of you together.
Establish a Routine
Grief, like depression, can become so all-consuming that regular day-to-day responsibilities can fall by the wayside. Maintaining a daily structure — even a simple one — can bring a sense of stability when everything else feels uncertain. Setting modest goals can also provide a sense of accomplishment when grief dominates. Start with small, manageable tasks, like a morning walk, a regular meal schedule, or a set bedtime. Then, move on to revisiting the hobbies and activities you always enjoyed. A predictable routine not only grounds you in the present but also provides stability to gradually explore more challenging emotional work through grief and loss counseling and depression treatment.
Practice Mindfulness Techniques
The mental symptoms of grief we talked about earlier can leave your mind wandering and racing in the past and the future but hardly in the present moment. Mindfulness can help you stay connected to the present moment rather than getting lost in painful memories or replaying “what if” scenarios. Start by doing things that draw your focus to the current moment. Try spending time in nature and paying close attention to the sensory experiences you see, hear, and smell. Take the opportunity to find a few minutes each day to sit and practice deep breathing. Be still — concentrate on slowly inhaling and exhaling, and if negative, distressing thoughts materialize, simply acknowledge them and let them go with the next exhalation. And look into signing up for mindfulness meditation classes or groups. When you practice mindfulness, you build a buffer against the mental spirals that often accompany grief.
Stay Connected to Friends and Family
Again mirroring the signs of depressive disorder, struggling with grief can often lead to pushing people away and detaching from the ones who care about you. Reaching out to the people who make you feel seen, heard, and supported — like family or close friends — is so important in the grieving process. Let them know what you need, whether it’s just to sit with you in silence or talk to take your mind off things for a while. Don’t worry that it’s asking for too much; you’ll be surprised at how people who care about you want to help. Remember that staying connected doesn’t mean pretending to be okay; it just means letting others be part of your healing.
Professional Grief Counseling Near Me
Finding your way to Footprints to Recovery’s treatment center means finding a safe, supportive place to address your grief. We work with people coping with loss in all forms — whether that means bereaving the death of a loved one, the loss of a once-loving relationship, or changes to one’s health, their identity, and other reasons uniquely personal to you. And grief counseling near me is meant to help you traverse through the stages of grief you may be experiencing.
Here, our therapists are trained in grief and traumatic loss, understanding how the two overlap. We create space and support to hold and process both, and when grief may become prolonged or complicated, individual counseling can help you explore it and make sense of your symptoms without judgment. At Footprints, we specialize in a mix of evidence-based talk and behavioral therapies to make this happen.
And just as grief can be all-encompassing, our clinic is all-inclusive and welcomes everyone from all walks of life. We know cost can be a challenge but should never be a barrier to treatment. During the admission process, we’ll work with you to determine the most cost-effective way to pursue treatment. You don’t need to face grief alone. Contact us today to talk to a specialist and take the steps to healing.
References:
- https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/5-stages-of-grief-coping-with-the-loss-of-a-loved-one
- https://www.prnewswire.com/il/news-releases/empathy-releases-annual-cost-of-dying-report-for-2024-302036982.html
- https://www.apa.org/topics/grief
- https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24787-grief
- https://www.webmd.com/balance/special-reports/grief-stages/20190711/how-grief-affects-your-body-and-mind
- https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24951-complicated-grief
- https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/complicated-grief/symptoms-causes/syc-20360374
- https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/prolonged-grief-disorder
- https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/complicated-grief#complicated-grief
- https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK66052/
- https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2021/12/20/1056741090/grief-loss-holiday-brain-healing#:~:text=On%20the%20difference%20between%20grief,will%20get%20through%20the%20wave.%22
- https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK66052/
- https://www.cancer.org/cancer/end-of-life-care/grief-and-loss/grieving-process.html
- https://www.ekrfoundation.org/5-stages-of-grief/5-stages-grief/
- https://online.maryville.edu/blog/grief-counseling/
- https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2146191/
- https://uhs.tamu.edu/mental-health/grief.html
