BPD and Lying in Relationships: How to Build Trust 

Building trust in relationships can be challenging, especially when one partner has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). A common issue that arises is lying, which can stem from intense emotions and a deep-seated fear of abandonment. People with BPD often use lying as a coping mechanism to manage their emotional turmoil and maintain relationships. However, this behavior can lead to destructive behaviors and damage trust. Understanding the connection between BPD and lying is crucial for navigating these complex situations. In this blog, we’ll explore why individuals with BPD might lie, how it affects relationships, and how DBT skills from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) can help build trust and improve communication. By addressing these challenges, we can work towards stronger, more resilient relationships. 

What Is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)?  

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a complex mental health condition characterized by emotional dysregulation, intense emotions, and unstable relationships. Individuals with BPD often experience emotional dysregulation, leading to destructive behaviors as a coping mechanism. This disorder affects how people perceive themselves and interact with others, causing significant life challenges.   

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) outlines specific criteria for diagnosing Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). To meet the criteria, an individual must exhibit at least five of the following symptoms: 

• Frantic efforts to avoid abandonment 

• Unstable and intense interpersonal relationships 

• An unstable self-image 

• Impulsivity in at least two self-damaging areas 

• Recurrent suicidal behavior or self-mutilation 

• Affective instability, chronic feelings of emptiness, intense anger, and transient paranoid ideation or dissociative symptoms.  

These symptoms must be present in multiple contexts and cause significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other areas of functioning.  

Why Do People with BPD Struggle with Relationships?  

People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) often face significant challenges in relationships due to their intense emotional experiences and coping mechanisms, along with fear of abandonment. This fear can lead to erratic mood swings, impulsive behaviors, and a tendency to idealize and then devalue partners, creating a cycle of intense highs and lows in relationships. Additionally, individuals with personality disorders like BPD may react to perceived rejection with anger, further complicating interactions. Their sensitivity to stress and rejection can make relationships feel chaotic and unpredictable, leading to difficulties in maintaining stable and healthy connections with others.   

Why Do People with BPD Lie?   

People with BPD may lie to those they care about as a way to cope with their emotional turmoil and maintain relationships. This behavior can stem from various underlying issues, including a deep-seated fear of abandonment, difficulties with emotional regulation, struggles with self-esteem, and challenges in forming a stable identity. 

Here are brief explanations for each of these factors: 

• Fear of Abandonment: People with BPD may lie to avoid real or perceived abandonment, as they fear losing loved ones. 

• Emotional Dysregulation: Lying can be an impulsive response to intense emotions, helping individuals manage their emotional distress. 

• Low Self-Esteem: Those with BPD might lie to cover up mistakes or present a more acceptable image, compensating for feelings of inadequacy. 

• Struggles with Identity: Lying can be used to create a more desirable self-image, aligning with how they wish to be perceived rather than their true selves.